How we made a DEER talk.

I remember the bottle of beer on my bedside as I closed my eyes. The way I knew I’d drink the rest of it when I woke up. The wildness escaping my mind with every calm breath. I tweeted it out to the world like a little bitch- I know who I am now and it feels amazing. I haven’t been feeling like myself lately!

I have spent the last few years writing television screenplays that have got me some attention. Producers at the BBC, LA Productions, and taking part and working with the Orchard Project in Los Angeles. But like an old wound that still bleeds- theatre was calling out like a drunk fella at a bar. Would ya ever come back to mine, you look awful fine and I love your hair clip.

Edinburgh Fringe was always a dream of mine, so we adapted our popular TV Pilot about a puppet orphanage to stage. It ended up being a nightmare year that made me realise that theatre was something that kept getting harder to make.

We spent over £10,000 and ended up making £800 back. Theatre was trapped behind a paywall- and I was burned out and I couldn’t do it again. Well, at least that’s what I said.

But then like a sort of angry magic, I started writing about having to keep fighting for fucking everything! To be taken seriously as an artist. To be seen. To be queer enough.

And in 3 days I finished the script. A XEROX OF A DEER.

The show is an ode to being from the back arse of Ireland- having to claw your way out. And why we have to- why we have no fucking choice and how much better it would’ve been if we could’ve stayed. But we just can’t.

And when I did wake up I finished the beer that had gone warm. I lost a lot of friends, and I ended up developing an eating disorder, running from country to country to try and find myself. I think that’s a big part of my story- running.

Deers stand still, even when the headlights spill across their face- they swallow their breath and they take a great look at the car that’s about to hit them. It sounds stupid but I wanted that so much! To stand still, in the bright light.

The show is about the fight between going and staying. Standing still and running away. It’s a fight I think we all face. I remember hating where I was from for the longest time! Because I thought it owed me something. In my head it chased me out, and gave me no choice! But as I grew, and as I ran, I learned that no matter where I went, or how far I got from it- I never stopped missing it. I never got better by running away. Nobody does.

It was time to make a deer talk.

I knew it had to be puppets! I think Kyle and I, as The Horgles, have always believed in the pure humanity of puppetry. The power it has to tell complex and grounded stories. The way we’d stay up late and talk about making people take the craft seriously! This was the show that would do that.

We have been rehearsing this show in my room. And I built all the puppets on my floor. It’s been a real pleasure to watch it come together. How much we want it. The fight in both our eyes!

Getting to share the stage with my best friend is magical! Kyle is electric in his performance of Cervus (the deer)- it’s going to scare you! It’s so fucking good.

I was meant to meet Kyle- and in every lifetime we are laughing with puppets on our hands- like real fools! And I’d have it no other way.

I really think this play will surprise people. It’s not what you are expecting!

I think the both of us more than anything want to inspire and yell at people to make their own work! We think it’s crucial, to tell important stories. We understand the struggle of having to work like a fool to make it work, and we know how hard it is to do it, but we built everything we do on the premise of going out and fighting every single fucking obstacle that’s in the way! Pure stupid idiots like.

I am scared of course for the outcome of the world. The way marginalised folk keep getting picked on. The pain is unlike anything- knowing every horrible moment of having to fight to be me might return. Losing more friends, being spat at, bullied – and I can’t help but feel fucking angry.

So yeah, this is my little fighting song! And I hope it makes someone feel seen.

If you are thinking of putting your own art into the world- do it. If you need support or money- get onto us- we are the biggest fools I know and we’ll help you! Because we have to help each other. Fuck the rest of it!

From the bottom of my heart I would like to say a big thank you to everyone who has followed my journey these past few years. I feel very grateful. Blessed.

With lots of love,

Ceilbí (they/them)